Transformers

By: The Dude

Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Rachael Taylor, Jon Voight, John Tuturro
Rating: 4 out of 5

Not unlike The Dude himself, there is more than meets the eye with these here Transformers.

While to the naked eye yours truly seems to be a law abiding-but-cool citizen, there was a time when I was a shoplifting-but-cool citizen, due in large part to these here Transformers.

Let's set the Wayback Machine Mr Peabody-style (mental applause for the improbable reference) to the 1980s when a young Dude was in love with the Transformers toys, but unable to meet the expense of getting one legitimately. So, rather than get swiped over a barcode reader at the register, the robot in disguise the little Dude wanted was swiped over my pre-pubescent groin as I shoved it down my pants.

Hey, I 'aint proud of it. Just thought it was time to come clean. Anyhow … confession time is over, so back to the motion picture at hand.

If you've been living on Cybertron and have no idea what this is about, here's the skinny; what it concerns itself mainly about is these two robots – Autobots and Decepticons. They don't get along, probably on account of some minor issue involving a female Transformer would be my layman's guess. Women! As a result, they are getting set for a smackdown robot-style, and Earth has been chosen as the venue.

So, they come to Earth and all, and after some weak and confusing back story info 'bout some American troops getting smashed and the government trying to find out who's responsible, aided by hot as computer nerd who goes by the name of Rachael Taylor, they all square off downtown and transform at 20 paces.

There's also some vague references made in the first hour to how Megatron was found in the south pole hundred of years earlier, which led to him being cryogenically frozen Austin Powers-style. Now, call me Captain Obvious, but it seems bleedin' obvious to me that had these scientists responsible for freezing the bad guy watched Independence Day, they'd know you never run tests on a seemingly dead, but really alive alien. Due to their lack of blockbuster movie watching experience, Megatron comes to life and unleashes some transforming fury.

Now, if I were to be asked whether or not this is a good movie, the answer is a resounding 'hell yes!' If someone followed that up by asking if the effects were cool, the response would be 'prob'ly the best I've seen!' There literally is not a bad CGI moment in this movie.

That said, if I were to be asked the question; does the action go too fast to catch it, I'd say; 'it goes so fast it'd make a cheetah gasp!' So DVD lovers, prepare to wear out the slow-mo button on the remote

If the question was how is the character development and general storyline, I'd says it was rubbish. It's sloppy, weak and the main kid – Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) needs an All Spark cube to the face on account of his lack of ability to stop talkin' and saying; "no, no , no, no, no, no, no" and what not.

All this is forgiven though as soon as high school hottie Megan Fox makes her appearance. I'm not sure what she actually does in the movie, but she definitely cranks up the babe factor, that's for damn sure!

All those nerds out there clogging up blog space complaining 'bout how Optimus Prime is the wrong colour, has a moving mouth and is a long-nose instead of flat-nose truck need to have there heads transformed into punching bags so as I can take a few shots. It's remains my humble opinion that the casting of Megan Fox gives Michael Bay the right to change anything for this here fil-um – except leave out the '80s theme song!

Verbatim:
Judy Witmicky: “Get your hands off my bush!”

In a word: Awesome