The Descent

By: Lovey

Director: Neil Marshall
Cast: Shauna McDonald, Natalie Jackson Mendoza, Alex Reid, Saskia Mulder
Rating: 2 out of 4

As the movies are handed out for reviewing at the DVDetails bunker, I continue to notice that The Dude avoids all scary ones. Therefore, once again, I was handed The Descent because he couldn’t handle it.   

After checking out the scene selections to see how scary the movie actually was, I made a few attempts to watch it, but I always seemed to be home alone at night (sigh), which we all know is not a good time to watch a scary movie.   

I finally plucked up the courage though, as I knew I couldn’t count on a man to sit through it with – which is ironic really for reasons that will become obvious.

The movie started out by having a crack at an early plot twist, which really didn’t work considering a blind person would have picked up on. Then there was the usual death of a loved one, which sparked the expected gore of a slasher-scary-thriller.   

Basically, there are these six adrenaline junky girls who go caving to solve their personal problems (as you do. I tend to go shopping). I must admit that there were times when the edge of my seat got used because of the tension, but it’s hard to work out if that was because the movie was scary or because I just thought it was going to be scary on account The Dude passed it on to me (the chump). Whatever, the case, it did play with my mind a little as the girls set off on their adventure

It’s hard to work out if the girls are actually friends, as it quickly becomes evident they don’t even like each other! I guess that’s when things take a turn toward Horror Town, as these shadowy figures flash into scenes and the blood starts to fly.

When the action starts, it becomes apparent the girls have been watching a little too much Tomb Raider, as they all turn a little Lara Croft. Imagine six Angelina Jolies (I can already here The Dude walking down the hallway to get the movie now). Unfortunately for us girls, there’s not one little ol’ hot guy in the movie for us to perv on. I guess we can always rent our Ocean’s 11,12 and 13.

Just like at the start of a Myer sale, the girls quickly turn on each other when the going gets tough. If only we all stuck together we would be much better off!   

There are some great fight scenes, but with almost too much blood to see who’s killing who.  

This movie is Tomb Raider meets Lord of the Rings meets Carrie, but a D-grade version of the lot. In other words, a scary movie even the dude could handle!

Verbatim:
Beth: “Hey, you love this one, ‘How do you give a lemon an orgasm?’ You tickle its citrus!”

In a word: lame