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Spider-Man 3Director: Sam Raimi The Dude's spider senses are tingling. Someone's trying to jam a long-winded character-driven storyline into a comic book movie armed with little more than a sub-standard special effects budget.
Reminds the Dude of that famous saying: Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we try to make a third installment of a great comic book franchise with average special effects, convoluted storyline, and two too many villains. Perhaps it was the build-up on the back of the first two Spider-Mans? Maybe it was the high quality nature of the previews? Perhaps it was the thought of Spidey taking on three villains? Whatever, the Dude went into numero 3 with big expectations – none of which were realized.
Secondly, there is too much storyline, not enough action. Now, hear me on this, true believers. I’m the first one who wants to see Peter Parker have everything plus the kitchen sink thrown at him inside 120 fun-filled minutes. But what happens here is, that all these villain types require such a lengthy intro and back story that there’s barely time for Pete to spin a web of any size, let alone catch some thieves just like flies. What the third concerns itself with is the continuing adventures of the web-slinger, who has found balance in his life between bagging bad guys, and bedding Mary Jane. Some unexplained meteor brings an equally unexplained black goo that attaches itself to Pete and makes him cool and brooding. At the same time, an unexplained sand accident creates the Sandman, while an unexplained photographer goes on a revenge-fueled hunt for Mr Parker who for some unexplained reason is skinny – perhaps because he hadn’t recovered from his stint as a jockey in that there Blue Velvet movie. They all come after Spidey who teams up with the new Goblin to save the earth and whatever. If that sounds confusing, try watching the thing. It’ll have you scratching your head more than a man who has something that may be a dermatological disorder on his head which leaves him with a very itchy scalp on account he can’t afford that medicated shampoo as he recently lost his job. Verbatim: |
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How in the name of everything good and holy can you screw up a formula like this? You’ve got the most beloved super hero ever. Period. Add in Venom, the Sandman, the new Goblin, revenge, intrigue and Kirsten Dunst, and you have the makings of a cracker of a movie. Instead, what Sam Raimi coughs up is this dog’s breakfast of a cinematic experience. It's enough to make a fella cringe uncontrollably and throw his remote at the TV. That then leads to a whole mess o’ bother with the missus, who's like: "What are you breaking the TV for.” And I’m all: “Because this here Spidey 3 is rubbish, woman!” Which leads to a restless night on the couch, thank you very much Mr Raimi. Damn you!
Firstly, the special effects are rubbish. That old fill-um with the papier-mâché ape sat on top of an Empire State Building what looks like an old toilet roll covered in tin foil offers much better SFX. Has Raimi not noticed that movie effects have come a long way, or can he not hear the criticism way back there in 1940s?
