Saw III

By: The Dude

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman
Cast: Donnie Wahlberg, Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Angus Macfadyen, Bahar Soomekh
Rating: 2 out of 5

If you ever get to see Saw (The Dude detests puns), whether it’s I, II, or III you quickly learn that everybody has a choice: “to live, or die”. Here at DVDetails HQ, there is no choice – hence I was forced to watch one of the most horrific movies ever made, and haven’t slept since.

Can someone please tell me what’s wrong with these Melbourne boys Leigh Whannell and James Wan, who have put their heads together again to write the third installment of the stressful series? Were they dropped on their heads as kids? And what of this Darren Lynn Bousman character, who reprises his Saw II directing role? The Dude suspects these guys stick to the Saw thing because none of the major studios will let them within a hacksaw’s reach of kiddie flick. Could you image the weird crap Mumble would have got into if they’d let any of this trio get their evil hands on Happy Feet?

As Eric Matthews, the detective investigating some grisly slayings, Donnie Wahlberg (the not so famous brother of Mark) gets captured by Jigsaw - aka John Kramer (Tobin Bell) aka Phsyco, aka the kid voted at high school to be the one Most Likely to Need to be Talked Down off a Roof  - and has to severe off his own foot in an attempt to escape. “Now c’mon”, The Dude shouted at the screen. “Donnie might not be within a bull’s roar of Marky Mark on the dance floor, but did he really deserve this?”

Sure enough, just like in the last two, this Jigsaw is one stone cold crazy fella. He’s clearly not a card carrying Organ Donor member. Check it out - he ruthlessly tortures people until they realize the mistakes they’ve made, then shatters their limbs, or rips out their vital organs before they have a chance to rectify ‘em. No penance, no hail Marys…

Karma jumps up and bites the sicko fair square on the arse in this here movie though, with cancer eating him to the bone. So he forces his just-as-sick evil Jigsaw Jedi padawan, the sexy Amanda (Shawnee Smith), to continue his demented ways. She dutifully obliges by kidnapping a doctor to keep her ailing mentor alive.

Unbeknownst to the doc however, is that unless she keeps Jigsaw’s black heart beating, her husband will be carved up or some such thing, and her head will explode and so n and so forth.

Needless to say, the Dude spent most of the movie peering over the couch. Rest assured there plenty of scenes that will scare the bejesus out of you.

Verbatim:
Jigsaw: “Death is like a surprise party, unless of course, you’re already dead on the inside.”

In a word: Horrific