Rocky Balboa

By: The Dude

Director: Sylvester Stallone
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Tarver, Burt Young, Geraldine Hughes
Rating: 2.5 out of 5

What would you rather; to fight Mike Tyson, talk like him, or sit through Rocky V again? In my book brother, it’s no contest. I’d fight Tyson, because talking like him would be punch-your-own-face-in embarrassing, and sitting through again would have The Dude gouging his own eyes out with a spoon.

Rocky 1: A great movie
Rocky 2: A decent follow up
Rocky 3: Best of the lot – it introduced Mr T to the world afterall!
Rocky 4: Getting way too obvious now, but with Dolph Lundgren coming out as the big Russian, it was still inspiring in a corny, red, white, and blue way. Gotta love James Brown too.
Rocky 5: Downright embarrassing. The only thing coulda made this lemon worse would have been to have Jar Jar Binks in the Italian Stallion’s corner.

It was at the point that Rocky took on Tommy Gunn in the street that the gloves came off in the series. Now Stallone was fighting dirty and as a result, we – the good cinema-going people of the world – decided to hate everything the man came out with posthaste  – with the exception of Copland.

So you can imagine, when Rocky Balboa shows up at DVD Towers, The Dude is as toey about this movie as Rocky was when he took on Thunderlips in the third installment. How could Rocky/Sly realistically climb back into the ring? The man’s 60 now, and while we all know – thanks to the good folk at the Australian customs office – that Sly is on the juice, you’ve gotta wonder was their really anything left in the Rocky tank.

Turns out there is. I have to admit I was as stunned about the quality of this here finale, as I was when Apollo Creed died. This ain’t a half bad merciful end to the franchise. What Sly manages to do is take a character we all stopped caring about a long time ago, and re-injects (pardon the pun) life into him and makes us care all over again.

Damn near brought a tear to The Dudes eye.

Ultimately, it comes down to a split decision though. Sure, that Rocky theme will inspire a Pope to get up and start unloading a few right hooks, but the same old Rocky checklist is in place, so it’s predictable. That said, the montage scene is as good as any – except maybe that one in Team America. The whole restaurant thing gets a tad boring midway through, and Rocky is not as cut as we’re accustomed to, but I defy anyone to stay seated at the end of the fight, and not get up and shadow box. Even the result at the end – while utterly unrealistic – fits in nicely with the first movie.

Warning possible plot spoiler in that last paragraph.  

Verbatim:
Rocky Balboa: “You know I couldn't have done nothing without you... Yo Adrian we did it (kisses tombstone).”
 
 In a word: Fitting