The Dudewife-o-meter 0.5

Pledge This!

By: The Dude

Director: William Heins and Strethford Hamilton
Cast: Paris Hilton and no one else worth mentioning
Rating: .5 out of 5

I’m not really sure if this is even possible, but this here slab of film both sucks and blows!

Just like in that movie by M.Night Shyamalan in which there are signs that something bad is about to happen (Signs it was called I believe), there were major signs that trouble was brewing when this disc arrived at the DVDetails bunker, but The Dude ignored them.

The biggest of them aforementioned signs being that Paris Hilton was emblazoned across the top as the star of Pledge This!. That is a sight likely to haunt The Dude for the rest of his natural life. I had to suspend reality for a minute or 90, and try to image that Paris could actually do something other than squint her eyes at camera and marinate in fake tan.

The second sign came when Paris opened her oral cavity for to churn out her first bit of badly written dialogue. The Dude was sat on his couch shaking his head in disbelief at the fact someone had actually done a worse acting job than Hilary Duff Beer. Who’da believed it? Hilton’s acting is as pale as her lips. The movie’s hump-anything dog does a better job with its lines.

The only thing challenging Paris’ acting for the shoddiest part of this movie is the pointless storyline.

That’s it. The Dude is writing no more. I’m off to shower and scrub out the damn spots that have gone and appeared on my movie-watcing eyes after sitting through this soon-to-be drink coaster. 

Verbatim: To quote this movie would be to imply that some piece of dialogue actually worked. It didn’t.

In a word: The-most-excruciating-90-minutes-of-film-ever-recorded-and-that-includes-anything-starring-Pauly-Shore

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