Norbit

By: The Dude

Director: Brian Robbins
Cast: Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, Cuba Gooding Jr
Rating: 1 out of 5

An open letter to Eddie Murphy concerning The Dude’s disappointment with Norbit.

Dear sir,

I’m sorry Mr Murphy. I loved you in Delirious. I even laughed most of the way through the less funny and over-hyped Raw. The Dude is a strong advocate of The Beverley Hills series (minus that third one at the theme park during which you obviously were hard-pressed for some quick coin. I even perched on the edge of my chair during Metro.

I loved Daddy Day Care, thought you killed in Dreamgirls, and damn near split my sides during Trading Places and Coming to America.

Hell, I even watch the two Dolittle movies and stared in amazement at how you puled off all ‘dem characters.

So, it is with cap firmly in hand that I express my regret at thinking Norbit was the worse, most juvenile, inane steaming pile o’ movie I’ve laid eyes on. 

Poor, poor Mr Murphy. I’m sure you thought this would be a swell idea. I’m sure they convinced you it would be a rollicking adventure in which you showcased your remarkable talents. But alas, I sat at movie’s end saying nothing – as if I’d witnessed an atrocity of Biblical proportions. A plague of some sort

I really wanted to laugh. Honest. I wanted to sit back in my chair as the credits rolled, catch my breath and remark about the wickedly satirical frivolity I had just enjoyed.

Instead, I sat dumbfounded. Wondering what happened to the genius behind the Donkey of Shrek. I’m sorry Mr Murphy. I’m sorry Mr Gooding Jr. I’m sorry everyone associated with this movie.

Recently on the news I saw that you were thinking of giving away this acting caper. I’m sure that came after the first 1000 reviewer canned Norbit as a useless, ho-hum comedy in which you play a nerd married to a fat chick, who is also played by you. Please reconsider. Think of the satisfaction that will come your way when you keep your Academy Award winning job and that Brian Robbins fella comes to you begging you to do Norbit 2, and you respond my punching his career destroying lights out.

Stay in Hollywood Mr Murphy, if only to give us, your fans, the pleasure of hearin’ that story in your next single-word titled stand-up show. Respect.

Verbatim:
Big Jack: “If you do anything to make my little sister cry or hurt her or do anything to her, I'm gonna come at you with razor blades and lemon juice.”

In a word: Crap