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Die Hard 4.0Director: Len Wiseman
In the States, it was called Live Free or Die Hard. But no… us Aussies wouldn’t be able to accept and/or understand such an intricate title, would we? We wouldn’t be able to join the dots and deduce that it was indeed, the fourth part of the Die Hard franchise. Best to call it Die Hard 4.0 for us. Well, Mr Willis – if that is in fact your real name – next time you set foot Down Under, the Dude challenges you to a tabloid sports-style contest of Trivial Pursuit, Pictionary, Sale of the Century and Boggle my friend, and we’ll see once and for all who is the sharpest tool in the shed. Let’s see if you've got the balls to accept that challenge. It pains me to make such a challenge considering I enjoyed this here cinematic experience. And by “enjoyed” I mean a like most of it. And by “most of it” I mean I liked the first 100 or so minutes – until it went way too cartoon with the introduction of a jet fighter. It was at that point the whole freakin’ thing got out of control. See, we loved and identified with a young – more hairy – John McLane who ran across broken glass in the first movie and actually cut his feet. Now we have a McLane who can survive being shot at by a jet fighter by jumping on the thing and sliding off down a wing. Ridiculous. Arnold Schwarzenegger-style ridiculous. Perhaps they should cut that whole scene out and re-package it as Die Hard 4.1.1.
But McLane and that dude from the Apple Mac computer ads (you know “hi I’m a really cool Mac probably named Matt Farrell … hi I’m a stupid PC probably named Mark Angelovski”) team up with the hilarious Kevin Smith* to pull the plug. Oh, it’s also worth mentioning that the delightful Maggie Q is also in this (arguably the best looking Asian since Tia Carrere and that Cylon chick from Battlestar Galactica), and she duly kicks the crap out of Bruce Willis – much like the Dude will if he’s man enough to go toe-to-toe with me over a Boggle bubble. I’m here Willis … and I’m waiting. * An Evening with Kevin Smith is compulsory viewing for anyone looking for a laugh. Verbatim: In a word: Fanciful |
Now, I’m not one to accept being treated as a tool at the best of times, which is why you won’t be surprised by my issues with 
What it’s about is a computer terrorist who hacks the US government’s Latest Reviews
Comments
Dear The Dude.
I enjoyed your review of Die Hard 4.0 and may I say that I concur wholeheartedly with your description of fanciful. Do the producers of this film really expect us to believe that the American equivalent of a Nissan Patrol would fit into an elevator shaft? Do the producers of this film really expect us to believe that after surviving a 20 metre fall from a jet fighter as a freeway crumbles around him, that a bloodied and battered John McClane will look up just in time to see the van carrying his kidnapped daughter parking at a warehouse a couple of streets away? And do the producers of this film really expect me to believe that I can ever see Timothy Olyphant again without thinking of Deadwood's legendary Sherrif Seth Bullock... even if he does look kinda like a pussy without his 1890's moustache! No, no and no freaking way!
May I wish you luck in your quest to pin down Mr. Willis in your battle of the board games. Cerebal pursuits seem beyond him. Stick to your guns and insist upon your Trivial Pursuit, Scattegories type genre. If he talks you into Hungry Hungry Hippos it's all over. I'm tipping he'd be a dab hand at that!
By the way, I like your hair. I think that you'd probably have the best hair out of all the DVD reviewers that you work with.
Best wishes,
Jean Claude.
Jean Claude Vas Deferens Park Orchards
Saturday, 19-04-08 17:19
