Crank

By: The Dude

Director: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor
Cast: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, no one else worth mentioning

Rating: 2.5 out of 5

That’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m now ready to launch a campaign to finally get Jason Statham the action hero kudos he deserves. This here bloke has not done a thing wrong on the silver screen. Name one. Go on. He was the best thing in The Italian Job, rocked in Lock Stock, and nearly upstaged Mr Angelina Jolie in Snatch.

Okay, so Crank is not the best movie gracing God’s silver screen, but my man Jason does his level best to pull the thing out of the hole it digs for itself. In a word, this movie is more style than substance. It’s cranked up to 11 from the get go and suffers from speed-wobbles as a result, casting off all plausibility in the process. It’s like Run Lola Run all pepped up on Red Bull. The Dude’s tip of the week: don’t watch Crank when you’re trying to relax, yeah.

What it concerns itself with is Statham, who is a mean piece of work by the name of Chev. He’d have a hell of time finding someone to beat him in the kill-everything-that-gets-in-your-way stakes. He gets poisoned by some criminal upstart and only has an hour to live, but what this whipper-snapper didn’t count on is that Statham is the star of this here movie, so therefore hangs on for the full 83 minutes, much to his short-lived embarrassment.

Anyhow, what you get left with is these jacked-up, MTV-style shenanigans that start quick, get faster in the middle, and then loose their way in a finale that is enough to make a man cry. 

Verbatim:
Chev: "I told you I'd kill you, you little bitch!"

In a word: Stylish