300

By: The Dude

Director: Zack Snyder
Cast: Gerard Butler, Lena Heady, David Wenham, Vincent Regan
Rating: 280 out of 300
 
Imagine combining the best bits of Troy, Gladiator and Braveheart, throwing in a touch of Ultimate Fighting, and pinch of Fight Club, a dash of Sin City and as much testosterone and adrenaline as you pry into a movie and what you end up with is this here 300.

This here is one hell of a movie!

What leaves me spitting chips bigger than John Howard’s eyebrows is that there are a heap o’ so-called movie critics crapping on mindlessly ‘bout the “political undercurrents” and the “plot holes” or some rot of 300. What these knobs are missing is that those of us who love this sort o’ thing ‘aint after a moral tale pointing to the injustice of the Bush administration. We’re just after some action.

And action, my Spartans, is exactly what you get – piled higher and wider than the wall of dead Persians that feature in said movie.

At the end of the day, The Dude couldn’t give a flying Dutchman about the historical accuracy of the story, or about what George Bush would look like in a gladiator outfit – which is what me thinks these other critics might be concerning themselves with most. Personally, what I expected from 300 is balls-to-the-wall action, full-throttle fighting, severed limbs, blood, and more action. And that’s what I got, thank you very much. And then some.

Just to put this in the right context, the cover of 300 should include the following viewing instructions: ‘Turn down the lights. Get chips and beer. For God’s sake get rid of any females in the house. Crank up the sound. Switch off your brain. Sit back and enjoy.’

Instead it says: ‘Experience it now in HD DVD’, like I’ve got enough coin to buy a HD DVD machine? What were them fellas’ at WB thinking? Bad enough the movie itself reminds me how I gotta hit the gym before summer arrives, now I’m also not man enough to own a HD too??

What this here 300 concerns itself mainly about is these Spartan warriors – I think there was about 300 of them – who go out to head off the Persian army of over a million, led by some 8-foot piece o’ work what looks remarkably like pin cushion.

Needless to say, anyone one who saw Frank Miller’s Sin City, know full well that there’s some bloody splattering slo-mo brewing, and when it arrives, it don’t disappoint.

It’s got some crazy-arse film techniques going on, what with the colour saturation and sepia and all that, but it does the job of pumping you up. Come to think of it, I’ve been awake 23 hours straight since watching it and I’m still as wired as I 16-year-old tool after a hit of backyard penicillin.

Respect.

Extras: Plenty of 'em on the 2-disc edition including very cool making-of docos, yak tracks, and a bunch o' webisodes - which include what most of us are really wanting to know - how the actors trained to get arms that look like twisted steel, and abs you could cut slate on.



Verbatim:
Dilios: “Immortals? We put their name to the test.”

In a word: Bloody